Perfectionism, Reframed: Turning Pressure Into Purpose
By: Catherine Tamayo, LPCC
If you’re exhausted by the internal messaging that says, “I should be able to do more,” “What will they think if…,” “I can’t start unless…,” “If I set a limit…, or they’ll think I don’t care if….,” you’re not alone. At Mind Matters Collective (MMC), we see perfectionism show up in many forms—overworking, procrastinating until conditions feel “just right,” people-pleasing, spending hours correcting small mistakes, or avoiding what you care about because the bar feels impossibly high. Seeking therapy can assist you what’s helpful about your pursuit of achievement and loosen what’s getting in the way of living in alignment with your values and health needs.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is best understood as multidimensional. Research and clinical practice point to how you evaluate yourself, what you expect of others, and how much you believe others expect of you. This helps explain why perfectionism often travels with anxiety, depression, OCD, and eating concerns—and why targeting it directly can support overall well-being and longevity in your life pursuits.
A helpful lens we use
In 2023, psychotherapist and author Katherine Morgan Schafler, LMHC, introduced a five-style framework that reframes perfectionism as a usable drive rather than something to “cure.” Identifying whether you lean Classic, Intense, Parisian, Procrastinator, or Messy helps tailor therapy to your values and needs.
A glimpse into the five styles:
Classic: Brings structure, reliability, and detail focus; can feel thrown by spontaneity or changes in routine.
Intense: Laser-focused on outcomes and gets things done; risks pushing standards into the impossible and being hard on self/others.
Parisian: Aims to be perfectly liked and deeply connected; warmth and empathy can slide into people-pleasing if unchecked.
Procrastinator: Waits for ideal conditions; excels at preparation but can stall in indecision and inaction.
Messy: Loves beginnings and ideas; enthusiasm can scatter focus and make follow-through tricky mid-process.
How Perfectionism Shows Up
All-or-nothing rules: “If it isn’t flawless, it doesn’t count.”
Over-preparing or delaying until you feel “just right.”
People-pleasing and fear of disappointing others.
Endless editing/checking that crowds out what matters.
Avoidance of valued goals because the stakes feel too high.
How Perfectionism Tends to Shows Up
All-or-nothing rules: “If it isn’t flawless, it doesn’t count.”
Over-preparing or delaying until you feel “just right.”
People-pleasing and fear of disappointing others.
Endless editing/checking that crowds out what matters.
Avoidance of valued goals because the stakes feel too high.
Evidence-Based Care Tailored to Perfectionism
CBT for perfectionism
We use CBT methods targeted to perfectionism—addressing rigid rules, “shoulds,” and safety behaviors like repeated checking or endless editing. Together we run behavioral experiments that build values-aligned flexibility and tolerance for “not-just-right.”
What this can look like:
Map the rule (e.g., “I must never make a mistake in client emails.”)
Design a values-first experiment
Review outcomes as learning and what this exercise restored in your life—not whether it felt perfect
ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy)
Through ACT, we strengthen psychological flexibility—observing perfectionistic thoughts as thoughts, allowing discomfort, and taking values-based steps without over-correcting or ritualizing.
DBT-Informed Skills
Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance skills can assist the moments of tolerating “not-just-right” sensation without spiraling.
Interpersonal Effectiveness skills can help determine and communicate boundaries for individuals struggling with people-pleasing tendencies.
ERP (Exposure & Response Prevention) for OCD-Driven Perfectionism
When perfectionism is part of OCD (e.g., checking, arranging, repeating until it feels “just right”), ERP is typically indicated. We build a hierarchy (easier → harder), run graded exposures that introduce small “not-just-right” moments, and practice response prevention so your brain relearns that valued action doesn’t require a perfect internal state.
Building Self-Compassion
Self-compassion can be a performance-sustaining skill. It increases awareness of mind-and-body needs, reconnects you with values and intention, and supports your pursuit of achievement in the areas you care about—so progress feels less punishing and more sustainable.
How we apply it in care (briefly):
Awareness: brief check-ins to notice tension, fatigue, or overload before they derail focus.
Intention: a one-sentence statement linking the task and limits to your values (why this matters today).
Supportive coaching tone: replacing self-critique with steady, directive self-talk that maintains momentum.
Wise pacing: planned micro-pauses, nourishment, and sleep routines that match real needs.
Learning-first: review what served your values and noticing a “growing edge” for next time, rather than blame.
Common Questions—Answered
Will therapy make me dial back my pursuit of achievement?
No. We help you keep your aspirations while dropping rigid rules and rituals that create burnout or avoidance.
What if I’m a procrastinating perfectionist?
We’ll pair values work with time-boxed, one-pass reps and tolerance-building practices so momentum doesn’t depend on feeling “just right.”
How does CBT address perfectionism?
Your therapist will use CBT strategies tailored to perfectionism—identifying unhelpful rules, testing more flexible patterns with structured experiments, and practicing skills that increase tolerance for “not-just-right,” all in service of your values.
How do I know if I need ERP?
If patterns include obsessions/compulsions (needing symmetry, checking/repeating until it feels “just right”), ERP is likely appropriate; your clinician will assess and tailor a plan with you.
Ready to Get Started?
Our team supports kids, teens, and adults navigating perfectionism alongside anxiety, OCD, ADHD, trauma, postpartum, depression, grief, self-worth concerns, relational challenges, and life transitions. Click Here to submit an intake request form and learn more.
References & Resources
Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: A cognitive-behavioural analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Ong, C. W., et al. (2019). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for clinical perfectionism: Randomized controlled trial. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science.
Hezel, D.-M., & Simpson, H. (2019). Exposure and response prevention for OCD: A review. Psychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences.
International OCD Foundation. ERP overview & treatment guidance.
Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology.
Schafler, K. M. (2023). The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control. (Five-style framework referenced above.)
